Chapter Seventeen

“You know, Harper, the worst part is that I actually fell for it.” Nolan’s hand rubbed aggressively across his forehead just before he squeezed his temple. A pinkish tint began creeping from behind his ear and slowly spread across his cheeks. “God dammit!” He growled as his teeth clenched against one another. 

“Nolan,” I tried to speak softly hoping maybe it would calm him down. We were standing in the parking lot of a gas station getting strange looks from people passing by. I had to divert the situation some how. “What’s going on?”

His eyes subtly narrowed in on me as if he couldn’t believe what I’d just asked him. Sure, I may have already known, but that’s because I’d been paranoid about it the whole time. A single day hadn’t gone by where I didn’t imagine that this was how it would play out. But, this sudden outrage of his could have been about anything, really. I just had to play dumb until I knew the facts. 

Without saying a word Nolan walked to the passenger side door and pulled out my notebook. 

Okay, so this was really happening.

I took a deep breath as my mind raced through every excuse I could use. Something that would explain how this whole thing was just a huge misunderstanding. I needed him to know what was really going on in a few short words. Of course, the universe wasn’t on my side. I blurted, “you went through my things?” It was the worst thing I could have said. Almost as if I were confirming his thoughts about how schemingly deceitful I’d been. 

“It makes sense now.” Nolan’s voice dropped down to a calm and collected tone. My tensed brows rose up in confusion. I watched as he took one slow step at a time, wiggling the notebook in one hand as it hit the other. “When I came back here to wait for you, I noticed your purse flipped over on the floor. I didn’t know it was open, so I picked it up and put it back on your seat. That’s when this little guy fell out.” The side of his mouth curled up as if he couldn’t believe what was going on. 

My hands held onto the sides of my temple as my face shriveled into disappointment. I knew I shouldn’t have just ran out of the truck. I felt my purse fall over, why didn’t I just turn around to pick it up. Why??

Despite my reaction Nolan kept going. “It was open on a random page. It’s not in my nature to be nosy or anything, but I’m human. I couldn’t help that as I was shutting the notebook, my eyes caught my name written on the page. Not once, but a few times. I mean, it is your notebook and I’m sure you’re just writing about your experience. No big deal, right?”

My eyes trailed up to meet his at the sound of his question. He raised an eyebrow as if he were waiting for a response, but I knew that was the last thing he wanted to hear. “Except then, for some odd reason, I felt the urge to run my finger over the edge of the pages. My name was written on almost every page. You want to know what’s even funnier?” He tucked his hand that was holding the notebook under his arm as his other hand gently grazed his jawline. “At the bed and breakfast when I found that 20 however many questions book, I felt something weird. Like something wasn’t right. I had just gone through those books the night before trying to find something to read and then out of nowhere this book appears the next morning.”

“Nolan.” I whimpered so quietly he hadn’t even heard me. I knew where he was going and I just wanted this to end already. It was bad enough that I had a guilty conscious this whole time, but hearing him say it out loud made it a million times worse. 

He shrugged his shoulders. “There was only a couple of others staying there, so I told myself maybe it was one of them. It didn’t even take me more than half a second to realize what was going on when I saw my name written in your notebook.” He stopped walking when he was a couple of feet away from me. “I get it, you’re a writer, you wanted to experiment a theory.” He rolled his eyes. “I hope you got the information you were looking for.” 

My eyes were flooded with tears as I watched him hand me my notebook. I didn’t take it at first. I didn’t really want to take it at all. I just wanted to somehow go back to the beginning. I would have done this all differently. If only the new Harper had come sooner I wouldn’t have been in this mess. Maybe if I stood absolutely still and concentrated hard enough I could turn back time. 

“It’s not what it looks like Nolan.” I mumbled between a pathetic sob. “It was a stupid book my friend had given me at a desperate time in my life. I was just testing it out because I didn’t have anything better going on.”

Nolan squinted his eyes. “So, were you just sitting on the side of the road waiting for some guy stupid enough to come along?”

“No, Nolan, no.” I shook my head. “I didn’t even find the book until later. Celeste hid it in my bag. I really didn’t want to read it. I thought the whole idea of it was ridiculous. I just wanted to test it to prove it wrong, but, then I fell for you, Nolan, and because of that I wasn’t going to write the article anymore. Please, believe me. I really like you.”

Nolan’s tensed expression softened. His hand, holding out the notebook, dropped to his side. I stood there with my heart on my sleeve, filled with hopefulness that maybe, just maybe, we could move past this. The darkness that had filled his eyes was now clear. With every slow exhale the electrifying blue tones were restored. The longer we stared at one another the more he seemed sympathetic. 

He shut his eyes slowly as he opened up the notebook. I watched anxiously as he flipped though it. Just when I thought we might have been able to salvage the moment. “I don’t like Nolan. I’m strictly doing this for an article.” He read my words out loud, pausing only to look up at my expression and smile as he called my bullshit. “He is absolutely not my type. He runs away from his problems and is afraid to settle. No wonder he chose to stick with his family business.”  The corners of his mouth turned down as he tilted his head and shrugged. “Not sure where that came from, but to each their own, I guess.” 

I felt a sudden burst of rage. I snapped my hand forward hoping to rip the notebook out of his hands, but he’d moved it just before I could.

“Here’s my favorite part.” He continued. “It’s just a viable excuse …” He read the words slowly as he looked at me. With each passing second his smile disappeared. “…to be like his mother.” He sighed as he handed the notebook to me. “That was a low blow.”

I snatched it from his hand as he walked away. 

Nolan turned back just when he’d gotten half way to his truck. His hands were tucked into his pockets and the look of heartbreak on his face was so intense it was like staring at the afternoon sun, unbearable. “Tell me something. Is your car even broken?”

I stood silently. There wasn’t anything I could say to save myself. Everything was a lie. I closed my eyes for a few beats only to open them and see Nolan shaking his head.

He turned back around and sat in his truck. I felt my lips tremble as his head dropped back against the headrest and his hands covered his face. How could I have done this? How could I have caused someone so much pain. With one rise and fall of his chest he leaned forward to start the engine. He didn’t even bother to look at me one last time. 

I watched as he drove away. 

Just like that he was gone and I was left with nothing but the belongings in the backseat of my Civic, exactly how it should have been from the beginning.