Chapter Nineteen

“Well you don’t look half as terrible as I thought you would.” My younger sister Elizabeth barged in through the front door without even a knock. My mom, who was cooking breakfast in the kitchen, and my dad, reading the daily newspaper in his normal spot on the Lazy Boy, hadn’t even flinched. She must have done this often.

My face tensed as I stood up from the dinner table. I’d been up since dawn updating my resume and writing samples. Needless to say my papers were spread everywhere with my laptop planted in the middle. I began shuffling the papers into a neat stack. “Nice to see you too?”

“Oh,” Elizabeth waved her hand in the air as if to dismiss my stale reaction. “I meant because mom said you were a mess when you came home yesterday.”

“Wow, thanks mom.” I looked over my shoulder into the kitchen, but she didn’t seem too apologetic. She just gave me a shrug.

“You actually look great!” Elizabeth pranced over and stood next to me with her arms spread wide. 

My expression only exaggerated as I stared at her. “This is so weird.” We’d grown apart since college and hugging wasn’t exactly our thing anymore. Not to mention the peppy behavior coming from Elizabeth’s end. I couldn’t remember the last time I’d seen her so animated. Once she entered the world of a professional career she’d become a robot. “What’s going on with you?” I asked as I slowly crept into the hug.

“I’m just happy to see my big sis, that’s all.” She squeezed me tight despite my lack of a response. “What’s this?” She asked as she slipped through the loose grip I had on her and began ruffling through my papers.

“Hey, don’t mess with those.” I snatched it from her hands and shut my laptop. “I have them organized by company.”

“So, you’re sticking to the writing thing, huh?” There she was, the judgmental Elizabeth I’d grown so fond of. Note sarcasm.

“It’d be a waste if I didn’t, right?” I forced a smile so tight my eyes squinted. 

She folded her arms and finally gave up her peppy charades. Her body leaned against the back of the dinning table chair “Harper, I’ve already talked to a few of my colleges about getting you into that class we talked about. Once you have that certification I can find a position for you at my job.”

I laughed as I began packing my things into my portfolio. “Yeah, so I can work at my younger sister’s company in a position significantly…” My eyes jolted up to meet hers. “lower than her’s? No thank you!”

“I don’t understand you, Harper.” She threw her hands up in frustration. “We’re all just trying to help you and you won’t take it. How much longer are you going to put us through this? You’re nearly thirty for crying out loud.”

I stopped packing my things and stood like a deer in headlights. My mom had just turned off the stove vent and the depth of silence in the room only grew. I inhaled a shallow breath, “I’m sorry I’m such a burden on you all.”  

Before Elizabeth could say another word, I walked away. My mom tried to stop me to make sure I ate breakfast before I left, but there was no need. My appetite was gone.

I sat in my car for a few minutes as I looked around at all the junk. I hadn't completely unpacked. There were still a couple of boxes and papers and books spread across the floor. I began contemplating whether I should walk back inside and accept Elizabeth’s offer to help, when I noticed how dingy my dashboard was. The offer wasn't something I wanted, but at least I'd be able to afford a better car. I gave it another minute’s thought before I turned my key and pulled out of the driveway.

I spent a lot more time than I would have liked trying to find a free parking spot. Apparently since the last time I’d been in town they no longer existed. Which is why I parked half a mile outside of the city and walked. The entire time I thought maybe I’d made a mistake pulling out of the drive instead of walking back inside the house.

I walked from building to building and floor to floor handing out my resume to every publication I was able to find. At one point I’d seen a sign for a company so small, their name was written in Sharpie on a blank sheet of paper taped to the door. Something about it seemed ironic, so I shrugged and went in anyway. 

“Hi.” I smiled at the first person I saw. I’m guessing the black haired girl wasn’t exactly where she was supposed to be. She looked up at me confused. Her hands were inside of a drawer, completely still, as she stared at me through her glasses. 

“Oh, hi.” Her voice matched perfectly with her tiny body frame. “Can…" she spoke reluctantly, “I help you with something?” 

“I was looking for the Editor?” I peered over her head into the empty office behind her. In the far distance was an older gentleman sitting beyond a glass walled office. “Or maybe an office manager?”

“He’s not in.” She stood up from her seat hoping to block my view, but I was a good foot taller than her.

I smiled and looked at her with the same baffled look she’d given me earlier. “Who is that over there?” I pointed to the man.

“No one.” She wiggled her head around until she’d diverted my attention away from him and back to her. “You can leave a note.”

“Okay.” I dragged the word out as my brows furrowed. “I just wanted to drop off my resume and a sample in case your company had any openings.” I pulled the papers out of my bag and handed it to her.

She didn’t even bother looking at them as she set them down on the desk in front of her. “Alright.”

There was a moment of awkward silence as I watched her go about what she’d been trying to do before I’d interrupted her. “Right.” I whispered to myself. “I’ll just go.”

I headed down to the first floor of the building when I realized that was my last stop. I’d spent the whole day walking through downtown without a single prospective job opportunity. If I wasn’t regretting walking back into the house to accept Elizabeth’s offer, I definitely was now.

“Got any spare change?” I was walking through an alley way as a short cut to the parking lot with my car when I heard a grumpy low voice over my shoulder.

I looked over and at first didn’t see anyone, so I kept walking. “Hey lady!” I heard the grumpy old voice again, except louder this time. I looked down to see a homeless man sitting inside of a tent made with raggedly boxes.

I stopped in my tracks as he scooted out and limped over to me. His hair was every shade of gray and dirty. Dreads were beginning to form from the lack of hygiene. I’m sure he wasn’t as old as the deep wrinkles on his face suggested he was. I could tell by his darkened tan skin it was due to sun damage. “Change?” He asked again. 

“Oh.” He looked annoyed when I jerked. He knew I was examining his appearance by the look on my face. “I uh…” I dug around in my purse. There was a ten dollar bill sitting at the bottom, but I knew I needed it to get gas for my way back home. “I’m sorry.” I shrugged.

He shook his head in disappointment. “I haven’t eaten in days.” 

I frowned as I looked down at the ten dollar bill again. I dug around in my purse some more until I heard loose change. I smiled as I found fifty cents and handed it to him.

“What is this?” He looked at it in disgust.

“It’s change…like you asked.”

“The hell am I gonna get for fifty cents?” He said angrily before spitting on me.

I gasped as I stood back with my arms spread wide. He couldn’t have given less of a shit. He limped back into his little box tent and had the audacity to pull down a dirty used rag to cover the opening.

“EW!” I shouted. “EW! EW! EW!” I waved my hands over my face as I freaked out. I didn’t want to touch the spit with my hands, but it didn’t matter because it was touching the skin of my face anyway. 

I pulled out an empty gum wrapper I had in my bag and carefully tried to clean it off. I felt my stomach turning. I was going to be sick. I threw the gum wrapper to the floor and ran back into the building. The concierge looked at me funny as I scrambled past him and into the first floor restrooms.

I couldn’t have pushed the soap dispenser more than I had in that single second. I rubbed the soapy liquid off my face and repeatedly rinsed it with scolding hot water as I flinched in pain each time.

After a few minutes when I finally felt slightly cleaner I grabbed a handful of folded napkins from a basket sitting on the counter and patted myself dry. As I walked over to the trash can I couldn’t help but lean against the wall to catch my breath. A steady deep inhale and exhale suddenly turned into tears. I covered my face with the wet napkins as my body slowly slouched to the ground. 

This was karma. This was definitely karma, I thought to myself. My luck was only getting worse and why shouldn’t it? After what I had done to Nolan? Just thinking his name made my quiet sobs turn into a loud wailing cry. I gave myself a good five minutes to let it out before I picked myself back up. I walked over to the mirror and splashed cold water on my face. After a few adjustments, I threw my napkins away and walked out of the bathroom.

“Oh, I’m sorry.” I’d bumped into someone on my way out. 

The man looked over his shoulder at me as he spoke. “It’s okay.” He said as we looked back forward. He quickly looked over his shoulder again. “Are you okay?”

I tried to casually cover my red face as I walked away. “Yeah, I’m fine.”

“Hey, weren’t you the one that was just in my office?” I stopped walking and looked at him again. That’s when I realized he was the man sitting behind the glass walled office.

“Yeah.” I nodded, “I came in to drop off a copy of my resume.” My voice was pitchy, so I cleared my throat. “Sorry, I’m not having such a great day.”

“My apologies. My daughter was at the front desk when you walked in. I told her not to disturb me while I was on a business call and she assumed I meant everyone and not just her. She told me what happened afterwards, so I came down here hoping to find you.”

My ears perked up. “You were looking for…me?” I asked shyly.

“I skimmed over your sample. It was excellent.” He smiled as he tucked his arms across his chest.

I was at a loss for words. “Thank you.” I managed to mumble. 

“Would you be interested in a reviewer position?” He asked unsure if I’d be interested.

I took a second to think about it. “Your office, it was empty. Why is that?”

He laughed. “We just got the office today. Our company is expanding from New York. We review restaurants, markets, independent shops, services…you get the idea. The twist is that our company adds a mix of pop culture, like reviewing fashion trends and discussing  the latest craze. It’s like if Buzzfeed and Yelp had a baby. Because we're so in tuned with our audience the places and things we suggest end up with enormous business.” He continued talking when my only response was a blank stare. “That’s why we’re here in Boston. We had so much success it was the only right move.” He smiled at his own accomplishment.

I smiled back, weakly, still distraught from the events that had just taken place a few moments earlier. 

“So, would you be up for it?” He began rambling again. “I mean, you wouldn’t officially start until next week when the team is here, but I’m training a few people this week.”

“Yes,” I nodded my head slowly at first. “Yes…Yes, of course yes!” 

He laughed at my eagerness. “I’m Calvin, by the way.” He held out his hand. 

“Thank you, Calvin.” Both my hands engulfed his into a sandwich as I shook it. “You just made my day a million times better.” I smiled.

He smiled back. “I’ll see you tomorrow morning then?” I nodded my head again.

I spun around, my mood a hundred percent different than when I’d stormed in here, and walked back to my car…The long way.

That evening when I’d gotten back home Elizabeth was still there. She was sitting at the dinner table with my parents, eating. 

“Hey, honey.” My parents greeted me as I walked in. “We would have waited for you, but I wasn’t sure how much longer you’d be gone. Come, join us.”

“It’s okay.” I huffed as I looked at Elizabeth. “I’m not very hungry.” I kicked off my heels and walked past the dinner table to my room.

I shut the door behind me and spun around, kicking my knees high up towards the sky, as I celebrated. I finally plopped down on the bed when I’d fully exhausted myself. That’s when Elizabeth knocked on my door and asked to come in. 

“You should come eat, Harper. You didn’t even have breakfast this morning.” Her head leaned against the door.

I sat up and sighed. “I’m fine.”

She fidgeted with the door knob before she welcomed herself in. “I’m sorry Harper. I feel horrible about what I said.”

I remained quiet as I watched her close the door behind her and come sit next to me. “I just hate seeing you like this. I want you to have the things that I have. It sucks, you know? When you see your sister, your best friend, struggling and you just want to give her what you have.”

“Best friend?” I looked at her questioningly.

“Okay, maybe we aren’t as close as we use to be, but I still love you, Harp. I just hate that you’ve distanced yourself from me. Just because we took different paths doesn’t mean we can’t still be the best friends we use to be. I mean I even took off of work today hoping we could rekindle the old Harp and Liz.”

“Really?” Elizabeth nodded her head. “Liz, you know I still love you, right? You’re my baby sister. I always felt like you were the one distancing from me because you looked down on what I was doing. I guess that's why I'm always so defensive right off the bat.”

She reached over and held my hand. “I may not understand why you chose the career you’ve chosen and I admit I give you a hard time about it, but that’s because you moved away from me and I was a little hurt. To be honest I was jealous too because a part of me wish I could have been as bold. I might act bitter but that doesn’t mean I look down on you. It’s like…tough love.”

I shook my head as I smiled. “I've just been in a tough place emotionally since I've been home, so I might have been a little too aggressive this morning. I mean that was sweet of you to offer help, but I don’t need life advice from my little sister.” I said as I playfully pushed her head away. She laughed and pushed my shoulder back. 

“Friends?” She held out her arms for a hug. I nodded and leaned in to hug her back. Unlike the morning, this was more heartfelt and healing. It felt right. 

“How did it go today?”

My brows furrowed as I laughed. “The first half wasn’t so great, but I think I might have found what I’ve been looking for.”