Chapter Ten

Dear Diary,

Did I just write dear diary? What am I? A 12 year old girl obsessing over her new found love for the opposite sex? Gross. 

I don’t even know where to begin. Things between Nolan and I are starting to pick up. Maybe Alexander Nottingham was actually on to something when he came up with these questions. Each new answer is like a brisk wind that’s causing the tides to rise. I have to keep reminding myself that this is just an experiment. 

Maybe writing it out a few times will help.

This is just an experiment.

This is just an experiment.

This is just an experiment.

It’s not like it would even work out between us. He’s a family oriented man from the South and I…I’m whatever the opposite of that is. Then again, this is the first time since I graduated college that I haven’t actually thought about my long term goal. Yet, I imagine myself sitting on a porch swing with Nolan as we stare out at a field of open air.

This is just an experiment.

This is just an experiment.

This is just an experiment.

Oh, God, that was close. It doesn’t help that he’s so easy on the eyes. His rugged features that make him look like he just finished doing some manual labor. His electric blue eyes that reek of innocence…

SNAP OUT OF IT HARPER!!!!

This is just an experiment!

This is just an experiment!

This is just an experiment!

It almost makes me wonder why he isn’t tied down already. Isn’t that like a Southern thing? Getting married while you’re young? 

I shut my notebook and opened up 21 Questions. I’d already done this ten times in the last hour, but I just wasn’t thrilled about today’s exercise. I had to spend a whole five minutes telling Nolan about my life story. I was avoiding doing this since day one. The less he knew about me the easier it would be for both of us. 

My eyes drifted off the pages of the book and in the distance ahead of me. Nolan and I had stopped at a rest stop so he could freshen up. We’d been driving all night and decided to pull over around dawn. I sat on a park bench as I waited for him. There was a forest of naked trees filled with fog that closely lined the damp earth. I wiggled my pen as my mind drifted into a day dream. 

“This is just an experiment.” I closed my eyes and whispered to myself.

“What’s an experiment.” I heard Nolan’s voice over my shoulder. My eyes flew wide open. I scrambled to close the book and stuff it back into my purse.

“Oh, nothing.” I avoided looking up at him as he walked around  the bench and sat down.

“Are you still reading that psychology book, or whatever it was?” Nolan asked as he pointed to my purse. This wasn’t the first time he’d caught me stuffing it into my bag at the last moment. 

“Yeah, yeah.” I nodded my head. 

“So, what’s the study about?” He turned towards me, interested, as his elbow leaned against the back of the bench. 

I curled my lips in and stared down at the ground for a moment while I tried to come up with something. “Women’s study…” I spoke loudly hoping to lose his interest. “You know, typical, women’s stuff…body functions, patterns, emotional stability. Things of that nature.”

“Oh,” Nolan’s brows flinched as he turned himself back forward. There was an awkward moment of silence before he stood back up. “Right, so are you ready?”

I forced a smile on my face even though my ears and cheeks were burning from embarrassment. I really had to be more careful about this book. I picked up my things and we headed back to the car. 

Nolan had another meeting and I decided to wait at a local coffee shop down the street. I didn’t know if I could manage to go through another tour of Fletcher’s by one of Nolan’s employees that didn’t know what else to do to keep me entertained.

As I walked into the coffee shop the ambiance of the place reminded me of Celeste. It was like I went back in time and I was walking into her coffee shop just like any other morning, but this time her friendly face wasn’t on the other side of the counter to greet me. Instead it was a heavy set man covered in tattoos. 

I ordered a Mocha Latte and snuggled into a corner booth. I knew exactly what I needed in that moment. I pulled out my phone and dialed Celeste.

“Harper Marie Stevens!!” Her voice boomed through the phone after only one ring. 

I laughed at her quick response. “Celeste, you don’t understand how much I miss you.”

“You could have called me, you know. If it weren’t for your check-ins on our messages I would be worried sick about you.”

“I’m sorry. It’s been hard with Nolan around.” I caught her up on everything that had been going on. From being snowed into our hotel to faking car troubles in order to extend my trip. 

“Wait, I am talking to Harper, right? Because this doesn’t sound like you.”

“I know.” I gripped. “I don’t know what’s gotten in to me. I was rushing to get home to find a job and now I’m worried that this trip might be over too soon.”

Celeste giggled. “I think it’s working.”

“What?”

“You know,” she giggled again. “The questions.”

“Not really.” I rolled my eyes. “I’m just nervous I won’t have enough material by the time we part ways.”

“Mmm,” She mumbled. “Or, you’re nervous because you know something is starting to brew.”

“Oh, wow, nice one Celeste. Nice coffee pun. I’m glad you’re taking this seriously.”

 “I can’t help it Harp. You can deny it all you want, but I’ve never seen you like this. So enthusiastic about a man.” she repeated herself louder, “A MAN!” I couldn’t help but smirk. Celeste was so soft spoken even her shouts sounded like a normal tone. “How many years did we spend together going to bars and dancing and you never once showed an interest in anyone.” She stopped abruptly and then quietly mumbled to herself. “Screw it, I’m just going to say it. Forget the book Harper! Maybe he’s the change you need in your life.”

“You’re such a hopeless romantic. Can’t you see this is all just part of the story? None of this is real. It’s all fabricated by an old British dude who decided to teach people how to manipulate others into loving them.”

She sighed a deep and heavy sigh. “Suit yourself. But, don’t come crying to me when you realize you’ve been lying to yourself by prioritizing work over a relationship yet again.”

A couple hours had passed before Nolan came by to pick me up.

“Guess what?” He asked as I opened the car door. “My next meeting got cancelled.” He seemed to be thrilled about it. “We’d have to travel 100 miles out of the way, so at least now I can go straight to the next city which is actually closer. I’m sure I can move up the meeting time and we’ll be able to cut this thing a day shorter.”

I leaned my head back onto the head rest and closed my eyes. 

“What’s wrong? I thought you’d be happy to be home sooner.” 

“Oh, I am.” What I really wanted to do was just spill the truth, but if I couldn’t even admit it to my best friend how was I possibly going to say it to Nolan? “The coffee just has me feeling a little weird. Do you mind if we take a walk?” 

Nolan switched his car back into park as he gave me an uneasy look. “Sure.”

We both jumped out of the truck and walked pass the shopping complex to a small park in the distance. I wasn’t sure what time it was, but it must have been early in the evening by the amount of children flocking around the swing sets. 

Nolan and I continued to walk down a paved pathway that weaved in and out of a forest. This one was a little more lush than the one at the rest stop. It even had a small creek that ran through it. Occasionally a runner, or two, would pass us by.

“Sometimes I wonder how different my life could have been if I’d just listened to my parents.” Nolan looked over his shoulder at me. I could tell I had caught him off guard. We’d been walking in silence until this moment. As much as I didn’t want to tell him about myself, I felt a sudden urge to let it out after talking to Celeste. He could tell I was frustrated and just needed to vent, so he walked quietly next to me as he listened. “I was never really a popular kid growing up. I mean, I wasn’t unpopular either, but I guess you could say I kept to a smaller crowd. I always felt a little left out. Especially in middle school when everyone around me was changing.”

I stopped walking and held my hand in front of Nolan to stop him too. Off the pathway that we were walking on were large stones planted in the dirt leading up a hill. “You wanna see where this goes?”

“Sure.” Nolan shrugged.

We walked up the path, pushing low hanging branches out of our way. “Anyway, it wasn’t until Freshman year of high school that I began writing. It was a way to express myself when I had no one to talk to.”

Nolan was already at the top of the stone steps holding out his hand for me to pull myself up with. The makeshift pathway curved around the hill and lead in to the forest and ran along the creek.

“My parents encouraged me at first, but then senior year came around and suddenly they realized I was taking this whole thing too seriously. They wanted me to take a more practical path. I went to one of the best colleges in the country and graduated from one of the most intensive writing programs, and you know what? They still think I wasted my money.”

I knew Nolan wanted to say something, I could tell by the look on his face, but he stopped himself and continued to listen.

I sighed heavily as I was about to say the words I’d been avoiding for so long. “That’s why I moved to L.A. It wasn’t for a better opportunity. It was because I thought if I moved across the country they would take me more seriously. I’ve spent my entire college and post college life pushing people away just to keep myself from getting distracted. For what?”

We’d come to a dead end. The dirt path that we were following was no longer there. Nolan nudged his head and I looked over in the distance to see the creek. There were large stones lines up next to it. We walked through the mulch and tip toed onto the rocks.

“They were right. This whole time they were right. It wasn’t a suitable career. It was a waste of money. I’m in more debt than I was after I graduated college.” My hands gripped onto my temples as the realizations began to flood my mind. “I couldn’t even prove them wrong.”

I felt a single tear roll down my cheek. 

Nolan stopped on a flat rock and turned around to face me. His hand gently wiped away the tear on my cheek. “Things happen for a reason.” He spoke softly. “If it’s something you enjoy doing then don’t stop just because of the naysayers. You never know, this journey might be the one that leads you to success.”

My stomach tightened hearing Nolan’s words. I was on an honest binge and I just wanted to tell him my intentions, but I couldn’t muster up the courage to do it.

Instead I continued to lead the way. A ten minute walk to clear my brain had turned into almost two hours. I was determined to make it to the top of the hill even if the sun had already set and all of it’s orange hues were out of sight. If it were up to Nolan he would have turned around a long time ago. I could tell he was just doing this for my sake. To prove to me that I could finish something that I’d started.

“Look!” Nolan pointed up ahead. “We made it!” He smiled and held my hand as he pulled me along the way. 

“This is amazing.” I admired the view of the city.

“That was a tough hike, but this was so worth it.” He hinted at me as he plopped himself on the ground and laid back. He rested a hand behind his head as he pointed up towards the sky with his other. “Look, Orion’s belt.” He smiled. I looked up to see the stars twinkling just as bright as the city below. “Come here.” He gesture for me to lay next to him. I hesitated at first. “I’m not going to hurt you.” He laughed. 

Nolan extended out his arm for me to lay my head on. We stared up at the stars and connected the constellations. 

“Look a duck!” He pointed. 

I laughed. “I don’t see it. You’re just making things up.” I turned to look at Nolan. His eyes met mine just before he kissed me on my forehead.