Chapter Twelve

“Look, it’s really hard for me to muster up the words to say this, but you were right.” I breathed heavily into the phone as my hand cupped my mouth. “I like him, okay?” I paused for a second as I looked over my shoulder. “We kissed and it made things even more complicated for me and I have no idea what I’m suppose to do now. Oh, and please don’t call me back saying, ‘I told you so.”

It was three in the morning and I knew Celeste was sleeping, but I still called her anyway. A few times, actually. Of course she didn’t pick up so I resorted to leaving her a voicemail. 

I shoved my phone back into my pocket and paced in front of Nolan’s truck. After the carnival we had set back on the road. I remember Nolan driving and holding my hand as I fell asleep on his shoulder. I hadn’t realized we stopped until I woke up and saw him inside an overly-lit convenient store. That’s when I jumped out to call Celeste. 

“You’re awake.” Nolan smiled as he walked out of the store. He was a little too cheerful for this time of night.

“Oh,” I ran my fingers through my hair to make sure I looked presentable. “Yeah, sorry. I guess I was a little more tired than I thought.”

Without any hesitation Nolan’s arm rested around my shoulders and we began walking together. “Don’t apologize.” He laughed. “To tell you the truth, I’m kinda lagging too.” He held up a can of energy drink. “That’s why I had to stop and get this.” Nolan could tell by my half smile that I was feeling uneasy about something. “You want me to grab you something?” He asked as he pointed back at the store.

“No, no.” 

“Are you sure? We’re pretty far from civilization so speak now or forever hold your peace!”

My eyes widened when I felt my pocket vibrate. Celeste was calling me back. I needed to get rid of Nolan so I could talk to her. I looked back inside the store to see a long line at the register. “Actually, now that you mention it, maybe you should grab a few snacks for the ride?”

“Sure. Which ones?”

I smiled as I opened the car door and sat inside. “Surprise me.”

I watched Nolan walk a good twenty feet away before I answered Celeste’s call. “Hello?” A high pitched squeal pierced through the phone. I let out a deep sigh. 

“Okay, so fill me in. What happened between the last time we talked and you swore you didn’t like him and now.”

“That’s the thing. I don’t know, Celeste. I let down my guard for too long and it just kinda happened.”

“Jesus, I’ve only spent so many years trying to get you to put your guard down and this guy does it in a matter of days.” She laughed. “Well, at least now you’re being honest with yourself.”

“Yeah, real honest. I’m using a guy to research the theory of a world renowned Psychologist who wrote a book about how to make your partner fall in love with you only to eventually leave him and write an article to further my career.” I smacked my palm onto my forehead. “What am I doing?”

“How many more questions do you have?” 

I took a deep breath to calm myself. “I don’t know, like, two more.” 

“So essentially the theory worked.”

“Yeah, unfortunately in more ways than one.” I rolled my eyes. 

“That’s great. That’s all we wanted to know. Alexander Nottingham was right. The most stubborn woman on earth was able to connect to another human life.“ I laughed at Celeste’s description of me. “I say forget the article. Take it slow and enjoy the moment. Maybe you’ll have better luck and find work on the East Coast and you won’t even have to write the damn article.”

“You know this is literally everything I’m against. A love life over a career.”

“I hate to hit you with reality, but one of those things didn’t quiet work out. You need to give the other a try.” 

“Wow, Celeste.” I was speechless. That was the first time Celeste had ever even remotely sounded so harsh.

“Sorry, not sorry. You know I’m right. You even said it in your voicemail. I have it as proof and I’m going to keep it forever to rub in your face.” We both laughed at her sudden change in character.

“I kinda like this alter ego.” 

A few minutes after we hung up Nolan came back to the car with a bag of goodies. “I didn’t know which one you’d like, so I grabbed one of each.” 

A smile crept onto my face as I thought about how I actually didn’t want any of them. “That was so sweet. Thank you.”

We headed back on our way again. It was almost spooky how dark it was outside. There weren’t any street lights and the tall trees lining the two-way road blocked out most of the moonlight.

The lack of visuals gave me a moment to get lost in my thoughts. I kept replaying the moment just before Nolan and I kissed and the moment right after. I didn’t feel anything other than happiness. I wasn’t even thinking of anything at that moment and now suddenly the feels came pouring in. Celeste was right. I needed to scrap this whole thing. It was way more important that I was, for once, tuned in with my emotions and not lying to myself. 

“You’re really staring hard out there.” Nolan laughed as he looked at me. His eyes shot ahead to where my gaze was set. “Are you seeing something that I’m not?”

I snapped back to reality. “No, there’s nothing. I was just memorized by the darkness.” I looked down to see our hands intertwined once again. Maybe I was new to this whole thing, but it felt so weird that we kept unconsciously linking ourselves to one another without knowing where either one stood. “I know this might not be the best time to talk about it, but…”

Before I could say anything more Nolan held up our hands, “but, what’s going on here?”

My eyebrow twitched as I smiled. “How’d you know?”

“I saw you staring.” He waited a few seconds before he continued. “I…I don’t know. I thought you were one of those pretty chicks that’s actually crazy when I first met you.” He said jokingly. “But then you started to grow on me and now I kinda like you.” He shrugged.

“Oh, wow, how very romantic of you.” I teased. “It just kinda sucks, you know? Just when we both started to like each other the trip is almost coming to an end.”

Silence filled the car once again. The realization of not knowing what could be was obviously on both of our minds. Nolan leaned his elbow on the middle console. “Hey,” he whispered for my attention. I turned over my shoulder to meet his nose with mine. Our eyes locked for a brief second before we kissed. 

It was quick, but just what I needed in that moment to calm my nerves. Nolan’s attention diverted back to the empty road ahead of him. I watched through the corner of my eyes as his chest rose and fell with each deep breath. 

There wasn’t much either one of us could promise the other. With each passing minute I felt my eyes become heavier and heavier. 

I felt the car roll to a stop when my eyes shot open. It was like I had only closed them for a moment, but the sign of dawn breaking proved otherwise. “Where are we?” I asked as I stretched my arms. I looked around to an unfamiliar sight. We were parked off the side of the road. The path ahead split into two. 

“We need to go right to go home.”

“Okay.” I looked at Nolan confused. “So, go right.”

“But, I thought a lot about what you said and you’re right. I can’t take you home without knowing where things are going between us.”

“Okay.” I straightened my posture as I waited for Nolan to finish his thought.

“I saw a sign for a bed and breakfast a few miles back. If we turn left we can spend a day, or two, with each other without any distractions.” He looked at my expressionless face and hesitated. “I don’t know, I was thinking I could push my last meeting back and.." His hesitation grew into anxiousness at my lack of a response. He laughed uneasily, "I don't know what's gotten into me. I sound crazy. Maybe you’re just rubbing off on me.” He tried to joke to lighten the mood. His hand reached for the gear and shifted into drive. 

“Turn left.”

Nolan looked over at me with furrowed brows. “Really?”

“Really.”